I am Asche, Goddess of Nutkicking. Also known as "Saggy Nuts".
She enjoys writing, sporks, beating up defenseless boys ...and weapons. She dislikes vegitables, people, and perverts. She is owner of Broken Quills, and also parent to her disowned 56K: Stop the Hate website.
If you want to contact the bitch her email is ran@fujimiya.zzn.com and her ICQ is 15600254.


The Past Entries:
Kapital Eins







Onna no Baka

SHUT UP AND EAT -- TOO BAD NO BON APPETIT -- SHUT UP AND EAT -- YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS SWEET
Yes, I'm cooking for my son and his wife. It's his thirtieth birthday. Pour berries into a bowl, add milk of two months ago. "It's moldy...mom, isn't it?" I don't give a flying fuck though. It's food nouveau, it's the shape of love. Beat it up! Beat it up!
Extra sugar, extra salt, extra oil, and MSG! Extra sugar, extra salt, extra oil, and MSG!
You were born in the sixties, you made a war with the Vietnamese. We loved LSD, we died easily. Can't we just say c'est la vie? So what! Say what! For your own sake. Do you have a headache or a heartbreak? Are you made or broken by the birthday cake? You may be slow on the uptake, I pour pot in the birthday cake. So what! Say what! For my own sake, watch out yo! Here I come yo! I'm gonna change to a rattlesnake. Turn up the TV! Do you agree? I'm talking turkey. Take it from me. I'm gonna show my love for my dove, "But it's moldy...mom, isn't it?"
Extra sugar, extra salt, extra oil, and MSG! Extra sugar, extra salt, extra oil, and MSG!
Cibo Matto : Birthday Cake

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Why is it upside down?
11:34 p.m.
Alright. For once I have semi-decent news. I spent the evening reformatting my computer due to what I claim was a virus, or a bug. My mouse and keyboard kept getting kicked out from under me in the middle of stuff when I wasn’t even doing anything. It happened four years ago on Compy, my first computer and we later found out it was a particularly nasty virus. I wasn’t willing to let all my shit get corrupted so I reformatted and started clean.
Also my english teacher seems to have died or something because she never returned from vacation and there are no new assignments this week either. Which is good because now I can read the book I’m supposed to have a test on, that I was supposed to read all term long and never even opened. (Well I did open it at the beginning and it was a particularly horridly boring book and I couldn’t read all the stuff I already knew.)
So other than my bad day, I got to fuck with Youji’s mind, ruin a perfectly well-conditioned book, and suggest to my family that anime was the niftiest kind of gift that they could stuff under the fake tree that I am allergic to. And since I have adjusted my sleeping pattern to a nocturnal bat over the vacation, I am now going to stay up till two in the morning and write a really bad sonnet from a geek to a girl. The title is “The love letter you never want to receive.” *snickers* Anyways. I sleepy. I forgot to eat today because I sat on my ass and did HTML for about 11+ hours with a small break in between for sleep. I would have slept even more if my mom didn’t go “You still asleep?” If I’m still asleep it generally means I stayed up all night and am now trying to sleep in. Figure it out. I hate this place. My toenail is chaffing my skin and it hurts. I need some music, and then I’m going to work on my horrid horrid sonnet.

Current mood: I’m feeling *shrug* today.
Current Song: I like hubcaps - Brak

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Sunday, November 25, 2001

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I know your chicken.
12:15 a.m.
I thumbnailed part of my website this evening. The original art and the "me" page. I like how the "me" page looks, (not to sound completely narcissistic and conceited) it has to do with how orderly it all looks. The top row of tiny thumbnails are my personal photos. The second row looks so quaint, like a photo shoot of my bitchy cat. That’s my favorite part, and then below is some abstract form of my friends. It strikes me as modern looking, but it looks nice. I think I might remove the thumbnails in the original art though, because it's not terribly eye-catching and if I were to look at it, I wouldn't click any of the pics there because they all really look crappy. (even though I'm overly pleased with them.)
I'm in kind of a dead zone for creativity right now. I can't write, I can't draw… Not even crappy little blurbs or sketches. It has something to do with school. I can't exactly make the mental connection as to what exactly it is that’s stopping me. I suppose it's only typical. It might get briefly better after school ends for a month…but I can't make any guarantees. I'm very close to just completely giving up writing. I was much happier just writing for myself. I hate feeling like I have to write for an audience. I suppose I should follow the cliché warning "Be careful what you wish for." It seems like every time I fulfill a dream or wish it makes me unhappy. For instance, Rammstein. Seeing Rammstein was my dream, my all time fantasy. I saw them. And then…I was amazed, excited to tears, and then nothing. It was like someone had taken my snow globe and smashed it on the cement stopping time and spinning into a dizzying haze. Of course there were extenuating circumstances in the Rammstein event. It was more like, the ultimate dream- my picture of how it should have been was stolen and warped and handed back to me in a pre-destined little box with an accommodating tag reading "Fuck you."
Perhaps I'm being a tad dramatic, but for some reason, those things are what I'm seeing right at this moment.
I've always wanted to be a writer that people would read. Have a successful website. But now, that I get visitors (few as they are) I wish I had none, and that I was still only getting maybe one hit a every blue moon from some person who didn't understand a word of what I had written on my page. I don't like feeling like I have to write, like I should write, to appease some giant of which the majority of is just a bunch of vastly undereducated morons who wouldn't realize something was good even if it bit them in their proverbial asses. (No no, my stuff isn't this good stuff I speak of, I'm not completely arrogant.)
I'm so tired of not being able to write, of finally writing something decent only to realize later that it is a work of shit and you should burn it at the alter rather than letting someone read it. And when that happens you just don't want to write anymore. You look at everyone around you and see how much better they are then you and it just stifles your struggle and you realize there is no point to even trying. I'm just so tired of it. I wish I had half the talent of any of the people I read, but I don't, and I never will. I suppose I could try to be optimistic, like I've been trying to be for years, and say, "Oh! It's just because they're older than me, college students, more experienced, smarter." But I am where they were and are and I still can't write shit. I have progressed over the years, but I can't even come up with a fucking story, just some stupid cliché bullshit that can't measure up to anything of quality. I've fallen out of reality, I lost that a long time ago, and now I'm falling out of my fantasy world and living in this black void where nothing really matters.
I suppose the lack of caring is having a major effect on me. The task of going through a routine, everyday, and hating that routine but helpless to break it. It's just breaking me. But hey, I got that missing piece of myself back, and I feed off of it just as greedily as the little bitch feeds off me.

Current Mood: Meh. <<= I really need a better suited word.
Current Song: ----------

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Sunday, November 25, 2001

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Oh, So, Bored
08:30 p.m.
You have to stop and laugh and wonder what they're trying to subtly imply, as your college textbook compares George Bush to a monkey.

current mood: bored
Current song: Gladiator Theme

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Friday, November 23, 2001

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Shi-ne
04:26 p.m.
Gotta love the guilt trips some people try to pull off on you. *sighs and shakes head* It just doesn't work on me for some people. *shrugs* I got my photos taken, dressed as Aya in a skirt with Youji's hair. I almost had the pants, and used to have the hair, but….*sighs* Eh. The pics are going to come out terrible because all pictures of me do. I wore my trent-reznor boots to them. They'll be the highlight of the photo. I would have added in the shiney ass-pants to the mix but uh….my boots don’t show and yeah.
On a happier note, within a few days I should have my corpse-eye contacts. *whistles* Ironic I choose to cover the only thing that I like about myself.
BTW, since I didn't realize it was the 17th today,---

Happy Birthday Care Bear

Yeah well anyways just another great day in my life.

Current Mood: *shrugs* Current Song: Hellbent - Kenna

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Saturday, November 17, 2001

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Ok, I lied
01:17 p.m.
I've kissed someone before. I don't know what his name was but...he was green slimey and lived in my pond :) Kaeru, Kaeru, Kaeru!

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Friday, November 16, 2001

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Sad but true
10:22 p.m.
"So you got a boyfriend or anything?"
"nope"
"Did you see anyone in high school?" he asked on a purely curious level.
"Nope." She answers.
"Been on any dates?"
"Nope. Never been on a date."
"Is there anyone you like?"
"I like frogs." "You like frogs…"
"Yes." She said and smiled strangely.
Ok I suppose it's a little odd that an eighteen year old has never been on a date, never been kissed an all that bullshit. But hey, what can I do about it?

Current Mood: Alright
Current song: Fuck Explorer - Beeb Ashcroft :D

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Thursday, November 15, 2001

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I say I wear a mask for my saturday photo shoot
04:10 p.m.
My evil brother was almost killed in a landslide today. I guess a boulder nearly went through his windshield. It just missed him, but his car got a bit banged up with some of the other rocks. I suppose it served a purpose- after all the shit he's been pulling he finally came to talk to my mom. Even though he's being a shit, I'm glad he isn't dead.
My mothers father might be soon, however, which might serve to better our year. I guess he had a stroke recently and can't speak or articulate much anymore. The world is much better off without an abusive bastard like him. He won't be missed, only by my evil-doing aunt who still loves him for twisted reasons beyond comprehension. All I have to say is that if that man does get better and I ever catch him near me or my home (since he has been known to appear out of no where at the homes of the grandchildren) I'll beat his ass or have him put in jail. Something that should have happened a long, long time ago. I guess he appears at our homes with hopes he can smack us around a bit since his own kids are too old now and won't have anything to do with him. I have had the displeasure of seeing him once and it was more than enough for me. I'm not as forgiving as the rest of my kinsmen. My cousins speak with him, as well as brothers but I will not.
He won't ever be invited to anything. Not even my funeral ceremony. I'll wake up from the dead just to tell him to fuck off. I don't want his useless trash ass within sight of my decaying eyes.
I actually didn't come on here to bitch about the old man, but to say something about my brother. He seems to be a bit in my personal mental state, though under different consequences. Both of my brothers are. One is about to have his heart ripped out and stomped on all over again and he's already scaring the shit out of me as it is. He doesn't need to be even more depressed.
He called me drunker than fuck on his way home from the bar one night. He said something about people honking an yelling at him to go and when I asked why he said he was stopped at a green light. It scared the shit out of me to put it lightly. I thought he was going to kill himself off or something. But he wasn't. He made it home safely in his drunkass state on his cellphone and then I talked to his roommate who said he'd take care of him.
My "evil" brother I'm sure he has his reasons, however poorly he is about executing what he's trying to execute. It's not like I'm going about what I'm doing any better so I really shouldn't rag on him so much, but he has done some pretty nasty shit as of late.
Anyways, that's about all I have to say for now about my dysfunctional family for now.

Current Mood: Meh
Current Song: Teufel - Megaherz

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Thursday, November 15, 2001

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reading a book
02:52 p.m.
Okee. Yes.
After today I'm even *more* inclined to get a job and nab a dot.com. I have this dreaded feeling my site is going to disappear by the end of the day. The thing isn't loading, and when it does half the shit is missing. O_o. I must say I'll be very sad to see that format of my site disappear. It took me a lot of time and a lot of shoulder pain to finish that bitch.
In other news, I submitted a revised fanfiction. I hate submitting my work anymore. It's not like it's any good and even if it is, no one likes it because I don't write trashy romance bullshit. Sometimes I wish I could though- simply because all I can write is "here let me help you die" stuff where the lead character ends up dead at the end of it all. It gets old. At least they don't generally die in the trashy romance stuff…well maybe they do, I wouldn't know. I should probably start reading more books. I'm one of those writers that writes without reading. I read a lot, but I don’t' read novels, or quality books, I stick with high-quality fiction, usually the stuff which is good enough for the authors to be novelists. I do read novels sometimes though.
I want to hunt out a couple of Dostoevsky's books. I fell in love with Crime and Punishment and want to give "The Idiot" a try. I'm still in the middle of Lord of the Rings, too. It's a really good book but my attention has a tendency to ellipse from my brain while reading it. Too much detail, not fast enough paced for me I suppose. But Gawd, I'd love to write like that. O_o I have so many books lined up to read, but I just can't. I guess I think they're intimidating or something.
Funny how I can knock a guy twice my size in the gut without being afraid, and yet a simple inanimate object keeps me hiding in the corner. I'm just a really picky reader. I analyze a lot when I read, like we were talking about in poetry and if something doesn't fit I want to edit it and fix it and make it good. Plus I haven't found anybody that I really follow. Michael Crighton I liked but I haven't read his stuff for awhile. Jurrassic Park II kinda put me off I think. The first book was excellent though, as was Sphere and Congo. Perhaps I'll get off my ass and go read a book while I'm thinking of it.

Current Mood: Meh.
Current Song: Come Back Liza - Belafonte

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Thursday, November 15, 2001

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My tears are falling because you've taken her away
10:53 p.m.
A ring on your finger makes all the difference.
It's not my place to say- not in the least, and the fact that I'm still on speaking terms with you doesn't mean that I think what you're doing is just as stupid as what Les is doing. You're too young to be married. Especially to a fucking asshole like him. I'm sorry- I know I really should give him a better chance, a third try at a "good day" but I can't. I don't like him, and you're way too young to be getting hitched to someone who claims to love you.
I'm not saying he doesn't- I'm just saying, every single guy who sees you is immediately in love with you. I've never met a guy who wasn't. Even before they know you they're in love with you. It's because you're so fucking beautiful and probably just everything about you. I just think that you shouldn't tie yourself up with some fucking bitch from hell. It seems like no one even likes him and his snobby attitude but you- but I could be completely off my rocker (and I know I'm out of line even talking about this.) It's been bothering me though. And perhaps I shouldn't get my information from second-hand sources who just deposit it in my palms without a question, but I can't talk to you anymore.
I'm probably speaking out of jealousy. (and now I'm sounding like a jealous lesbian- but no no, that's not the case.) I dunno, I always thought we were more bonded than we were- bitching about how fucking stupid males were- paling around and then it just stopped. No more, no more. You got involved with a really nice guy- dumped him for a bitch. But I can't put that on you. It's not like I didn't encourage you to do it. I just wanted you to be happy. And that was also back when I was being relatively nice about the whole deal with the guy you're now engaged to.
I really should talk to you. But it's not like I can call up and say "Hey, so you're getting married?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"Oh, everyone else told me. Thanks for telling your "best friend". By the way I think you're making the biggest fucking mistake of your entire life. Talk to you later."

I'm sure she'll read this now, and then I never will talk to her again. She'll hate me. But I suppose I deserve it. It happens. I'm used to people turning around and hating me by now. As long as you're happy, that's what matters, but if that mother fucker ever so much as touches you the wrong way I'll break off his fingers and make sure he never walks again.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Song: Suerte - Shakira

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Wednesday, November 14, 2001

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Um, Excuse me, but what the fuck?
10:52 p.m.
Bob Belden asks- "How do you feel when you kick a man in the balls?"

Asche answers- "How does it feel to smack a girl?" How do I feel when I kick a man in the balls. Oddly elated? The bitches shouldn't hit me in the first place. Besides, it's reflexive. I can't always help it, and I do appologize. Whether I mean it or not.

Current Mood: Flitty.
Current Song: Kopperia's Coffin - Noir

The Gold Plated spork last feasted upon your flesh on Wednesday, November 14, 2001

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